Wishes

I was staying on my bed in this middle day, and suddenly passed through my mind a thing " What are my wishes?" interesting question to be asked... So now I'm trying to think and answer myself as much as I can... right now, I'm trying to figure out what a 18 years old guy like me would need... but I dunno what I should wish, I mostly like seeing my friends smiling, I like life when music sounds harmonically, and I like people who know what is to really have fun.
hmmz.. I think I talked to much so I'm gonna go sing a song... see you next time!!

This filthy smoking....

So that's it I got to this subject to, the inspiration was exactly my dead a realy often smoker, geez... what's so interesting about smoking?, from my point of view I'd better spend my money on ecomomies then spend them on something that make's me be bored. I remember first time when I tried a cigarette, I was in 7th class, near the CFR Stadion with my cousin and a guy, I smoked a bit, but after I told my dad about it, i figured out that smoking makes no use..
When I got in the 9th class, my colleagues tried to make me smoke and still I was just fooling around with them.. even now I still remember how Cezar was happy I smoked a bit, but still next day I was refusing, I supose those who don't know what to do with their life can smoke, I won't try to stop them.
I think that the cigarettes it's just a vice, a way of suicide/torture inside without dieing immediately... I have to recognize that because of my friends I'm a passive smoker , when I see all the smoke around me from them I'm starting to feel bored, but that's what they have chosen for the free time, I saw I can't stop them so I gave up trying...

My trust for all...

What am I, to whom I can trust? This are just two questions that I keep asking myself sometimes... is it there a friend I can count on, is there a shoulder I can cry on, are there some eyes through I can hide, is there a heart for me?... I call for it, I am searching it, I even sing for it, last time I even wrote and spoked about it... but, she doesn't answer me, I've grown weaker, I'm lost in shadows... Who can get me back, save me? I'm hurt , even forced to be violent and evil... I'm starting to see how other need help and I'm trying anything for them... but who we are to keep doing this, why are we doing this? Aren't we good enough to stand by?
I'm tired, my eyes have gone darker, I look to the Moon, and I beg her,I call her, I thought my heart it's infinite, thought I can love everybody at same level, even thought I can protect all my friends... but as always I forgot about me, I've gone lost in my own jungle, and I think no one will even try to get me out of it.... my eyes are closing I'm falling, my view is gone I'm a fire that keep burns...

Why a pierce... for what?

Out on the street, on to the first corner you go and see a girl with a pierce in her right part of the mouth, it was big and it made her look ugly. Very strange even if it looks ugly she doesn't even care about it.... passing by her,I asked" do you like what you got?" but she answers" are you stupid!",seems she doesn't know her image, she looks awful ... she runs of afterwords... I still can't figure out what we gain by doing this piercing ?, some say that's how we hide our hate, some say that's how we punish from our sins.It's not helpful this to stop what happens between some of us, I think socialization it's one of the keys we need.
I got colleges that you could ask " hey, why you got pierce?", the answer comes like this " it's fashionable".... well if they say it's fashionable to be an irrational animal, seems we all go down one by one ... we are changing our gens man becomes women and viceversa...
We are living on a disintegrated planet,on our own bomb, destructing us without even knowing why we do it and how... at least I;'d tell myself where to but a pierce to don't show ugly because of some motive,I don't wanna look like a pig ... I'm afraid of what we are starting to create we are like nanobots who destroy almost everything in their way...
I'd recommend you to find a day, to look in the mirror, and at least once try be yourself don't hide behind this things... and be careful who you name as a friend and who to follow, because is it possible to see your wrong, but just when it's to late, don't forget no one can judge you for what you are....

Distractie de seara

Heey! Sems I managed to find a moment to search through my memories graveyard and I found an old theathrical conversation wich made me great pleasure and made me laugh. I though you would like to see it and laugh to so I posted it here to remain as a good memory:

Tilly: hmmz vad ca-ti place nevasta
G@briela69: aolo yo mor de ras la ora asta
Tilly: stai nevasto nu muri ca… mai am totusi nevoie de tine
G@briela69: ))
Tilly: dupa ce mi faci poti sa mori, ca nu mai dau pensie alimentara si iau copiii
G@briela69: :))
Tilly: vezi tu mai mult razi decat vorbesti mai… nevasta… nu ma fa ca te scalpez>:)
G@briel69: aolo toti v-ati gasita in seara asta sa ma faceti sa rad.
Tilly: Dalai daca altceva n-am ce face draga, ca copii… un vrei sa-mi faci
G@briela69: ))
G@briela69: mnu sunt tanara
Tilly: m-ma intors, nevasta, esti gata de faza a2-a?
G@briela69: un mai pot de ras, gata
Tilly: buun… da-ti jos bluza… da incet, asa
Tilly: usor ca sa pot sa pun frisca
Tilly: si da drumu la emotiile alea, ca nu arde buricu sa prajesc niste fripturi
G@briela69: ))
Tilly woow… mai usor, aproape ca mai improscat cu ulei
Tilly: linisteste-te
Tilly: hai… sa curatam si niste cartofi, sa facem cartofi pai daca tot arzi asa tare
Tilly:-w
Tilly: mi se face foame=P~
Tilly: ah… miros de friptura cu parfum de trandafiri=P~
G@briela69: ))
Tilly: ce tot razi, hai, acum. Da bluza si pantalonii aia jos, ca or lua foc si n-am adus extinctoru ala din bucatarie
G@briela69:))
Tilly: uite, nici un stie sa… sa se dezbrace, vino-n coa’, asa ti le dau eu jos
G@briela69: ))
Tilly: :-w
Tilly: Noah… uite… ma faci sa ma chinui… da, trage picioru ala odata ca n-avem vreme
Tilly: se arde friptura
Tilly: asa… acum linge tu frisca aia care ti-am pus-o, bine?!... pana aduc eu shampania
G@briela69: aolo ai innebunit
Tilly: ce draga, lasa vorba si tine paharu asta sa torn in cinstea unei cine pasionale:>
G@briela69: ))
Tilly: noroc draga, da lasa rasu ca mi te ineci aici:-w…
G@briela69: noroc…. mor de ras…
Tilly: daca vrei intram si pe faza a 3-a dar cand o sa ardem de nevoie:P

I will never forget how much sentiments I had put in this girl so I can say all those things.... I could say it was a real pasional day spent in my imagination...

My Image...

I just walked through Hi5, Tagged and Facebook, and suddenly I was thinking how good the world looks through their body image, sincerely I look like a district pile, even Joana Iepureanu told me “excuse me I though your the district pile" you know I think I'm starting to believe what she said... So many youths have nice bodies; they appreciate them so much, caring them, even giving them attention, etc. Me, what I'm doing, I've looked nice when I've been born, but now I'm changing in a beast, I'm loosing meat lol, I'm disappearing like a haste. We all got borne with mind but not all with great bodies, still we're working on it, I'm growing so fast though I even don't want, not talking about weight to, having for more then 6 years the same weight it's not healthy. Becomes to hard to find ways of gaining weight with simple train, I even eat much but with no use. Well I recon, I'm still a young and a sportive, did many of them, I've even start to like foot walking more then paying money for a bus, I don't eat much junk food neither fast food, I adore apples you know doctor says one per day helps allot, tennis is my summer favourite sport, and each night before sleep a bit of flotation for a well sleep. You know it's interesting, 18 years have past, and I'm still confronting with same problems, well most of them, last year I've learned for the first time how to breath at jogging, this made me exaggerate and hurting my muscles . But I'm still working for the body I wish to have, and I won’t ever stop, I will be the same child even if my brain is growing up.

Friends the best thing ever

Well, seems I’ve start to think again at my friends, and they say each of them has a unique talent, in music( here I can say I got R, A, T, N, B, C, I), in dance( T, C, C, G), instruments( S, L, V, C, B, C, F), fun( a place for all indeed), studies( again a place for all), etc. The thing I like the most is when I see each of their smiles, well sincerely that make me happy most of the time, their smiles. I got curios on a little thing I observed about me getting along easier with a girl then with a boy, and that made me pass to a friend who’s a psychologist . After long debates we came to a clue that I got a very rich imagination so some girls like this ... I’ve wondered.... but still, I asked why I can’t find my half, the answer came with a laugh but with some words too:" it’s very interesting that you asked me, I think one of your problems is that your to classic, to romantic, to much old style I could say, but the other is your defects come outside over it, the girls step of, and start to think about it before making a move...".... this made me a bit gloomy. I didn’t gave up so easy so I went with an other question" why the friends doesn’t help me correct them?", after a long and painful silence, with a grin he started" I think they aren’t as capable as you in helping friends, or they don’t know what you would think about them after the truth is spelled or you’re just a simple hand for them, you come they use you and after that you’re forgotten ". Oh my God, I’ve start to shake a bit and tanked that I have to do something so my friends could understand my feelings, what should I do to gain their confidence and trust?! , What should I…, How to make them help me, I believe I saw each of them can help me in a way or another. Oh no, I’m sleepy, my eyes are closing.... my imagination starts to blur, my brain work on. Shadows come over the night’s light.... I’m swallowing in thoughts and go asleep.

Jazz

Aualeu!!! Imagine I’ve dreamed all night about the music I’m singing. From memories I like most listening and singing Jazz, it’s a great music, it gives wonderful ideals and my index seems small... I’d wish I could make trumpet together with percussion and piano... but, I don’t know, will I realize this wish or it will remain a wish. In my first years, I’ve learned lots of things about what does and means Jazz, it’s all about a voice and instrument improvisation that makes you all shiver. Jazz music it’s a whisper, an incantation made by those who suffer and wish to make other not see this. But I observed that in our country, at vocals, boys are not attracted, for them is more interesting to make an instrument instead of singing, but still, I do instrument but without singing it seems incomplete. The Jump Band, it’s a band that helped me gain some ambition in evolving through jazz sounds. As they said, I’m their biggest fan because I never missed a concert, I loved hearing the voice of their trio and it sounds beautiful.... I told them: “How could I miss from a concert of those who showed me the thrill of jazz.... Now I wait and hope to get to the top, where they got and sing with them, tomorrow, or next year, or I don’t know I still work on it to get better.

Elev la Teologie

Hey! Uite ca mi-a trecut in seara asta prin minte, ce inseamna sa fi elev la un liceu de teologie?... e o intrebare, interesanta din punctul meu de vedere. Am sa incep cu mine... sunt elev la Teologie Greco- Catolica in clasa a 11-a, in acesti 3 ani am auzit multe despre parerea tinerilor fata de cei ce fac liceul de teologie.
Printre primele reactii, aparute cand eu eram boboc de clasa a 9-a, a fost "naspa, vrei sa te faci popa!", "Satanist la teologie, ce fraier", mi se pare ca multi nu inteleg ce inseamna sa fi elev la teologie. Ca sa incep cu un ajutor, am sa spun ca, a fi elev la un astfel de liceu, inseamna a te dedica unei vieti sociale, care studiaza omul si din punct de vedere psihologic si din punct de vedere religios(teologic). Multi merg la teologie, pentru ca se asteapta ca nivelul de violenta sa fie mai scazut.... au dreptate este, dar asta nu inseamna ca aproape deloc, nu, este dimpotriva destul de mult ca sa fie vizibil, pentru ca pe langa cei ce se refugiaza in cunostinta prin teologie, vin si cei care traiesc prin violenta si "limbajul pumnului" ca sa fiu mai explicit.
Si nu e nimic anormal, cum cred unii, sa fi rocker la teologie, muzica cu cantarile teologice sunt si diferite chiar daca au ceva in comun insa asta nu le face sa se respinga, rockul este si anticrist, dar este si procrist... Deci eu deduc ca nu e nimic ciudat in a fi elev la Teologie, pentru ca de aici poti alege orice ramura pe plan uman, de la medic la drept, si plan real de la informatician la programator... Asa!... eu m-am lamurit pe mine prin asta... sper ca si pe voi.

Analiza personala....

Au trecut in sfarsit 18 ani si cred ca a venit timpul sa-mi revad putin viata, personalitatea si caracterul... in incercarea de a-l corecta cu sau fara ajutorul prietenilor.
Interesant, 18 ani de viata mi-au aratat cum sunt tinerii, cum se comporta, cum activeaza din punct de vedere social si cum reactioneaza la nevoia de cunoastere... Eu, as putea spune ca nu ma cunosc suficient, ce sunt?... ce vreau?... pe cine vreau?... De mic am invatat insa un lucru de la Dumnzeu " Iubeste-ti aproapele ca pe tine insuti". Aici ma incadrez cu ardoare.. si totusi inca nu stiu ce vreau, sunt bun pentru unii rau pentru altii. Un lucru sunt sigur ca stiu, nu sunt asa cum vrea nimeni, sunt alungat, sunt ascuns, acoperit de cei din jur, sunt cum am mai spus o umbra pentru aproapele.
Stau si ma gandesc acum, caci am crezut ca nu voi mai iubii aceleas persoane niciodata si uite, ca am descoperit in continuare ca gelozia mea a devenit foarte puternica si din ce in ce mai greu de stapanit... Mintea mea se pierde, atunci cand sunt obosit in propria-mi imaginatie, care face acelas lucru de cand sunt mic, incearca sa ma faca violent, incearca sa ma faca sa fiu ca cei din jur. Acum stiu un lucru, sunt un tanar care desi romantic din multe puncte de vedere devin uneori prea orgolios, contrazic si contracarez, acestea find niste defecte pe care inca nu am reusit singur sa le stapanesc. Egoist, nu prea am fost pentru ca am invatat sa iert si sa ofer mai mult decat sa ma astept sa privesc inapoi. Un alt mare defect al meu este curiozitatea, ea ma face sa contrazic si sa contracarez... Totusi, nu inteleg ce exprima oameni prin prost, nebun, fraier, idiot, nimic, ciudat am ajuns sa observ ca sunt exprimate in mod banal incat nu mai stiu ce sa cred ca se spune despre mine.
Am ajuns sa-mi fie teama sa arat ca iubesc, sa imi ascund talentele... de aceea nu am participat la multe concursuri din aceasta teama. Acuma la 18 ani desi fac multe se pare ca toti cei ce ma inconjoara ma intreaba de ce nu am prietena! Cum sa am prietena cand nimeni nu vrea sa ma cunoasca si sa vada de ce sunt in stare, am inteles acum ca eu sunt doar un medicament pentru cei din jur, sunt pastila de ras a multora care duc o viata de bautura si fumat si femei din plin.. Indignat par de starea asta, dar incep sa ma obisnuiesc ca, de mic mi-am oferit norocul meu altora si i-am impins din spate sa ajunga acolo unde eu as fi putut daca as fi avut sprijin la fel cum eu sprijin pe altii... Sunt confuz de mine, sunt constient doar ca sunt inconjurat de prieteni, de fete si nu pot sa spui nici uneia ca o iubesc, pot doar in ochi sa o privesc si sa-i surad, ca sa o vad razand...