Till

Fredonari memorice

2011-09-10T12:08:00.000-07:00

Stiti cu totii, cum zilele trec pe langa noi. Cum stresul ne apasa ca un plumb greu, am spune ca inima nu ne ajuta deloc, ne raneste... oare, cat timp ne luam pentru noi, cate ore pe zi, ne asezam pe o radacina de copac in mijlocul pustiului, si spunem " De ce mi se intampla mie acestea, ce-am facut sa duc acest cosmar mai departe...", si intradevar pentru cei mai emotivi si-ar dorii sa moara in astfel de momente. Stiti ce se spune, cu cat ai mai multe cunostiinte, prieteni, amici, cu atat te simti mai singur. Inclin sa confirm de multe ori ca acesta e adevarul. Dorinta excesiva de socializare, ne face sa uitam cine suntem, ne face sa ne pierdem in propriile ganduri sau chiar, sa fim orbi in fata realitatii. De multe ori aud, cum oamenii se dezamagesc unii pe altii si nu vad rostul celor intamplate, nu inteleg de ce! Orgoliul nostru al fiecaruia, depaseste orice limite asta este clar. Privim intotdeauna dincolo de linia orizontului, dar niciodata nu sesizam, ca acolo, langa noi, intotdeauna este cineva, care se roaga-n gand, la noi, la ceva mai bun, la o viata pe care noi am numi-o normala!
Hilar faptul, ca rugaciunea ni se pare o chestie pur religioasa si inutila. Daca asa e, de ce ii rugam pe parinti sa ne dea bani, de ce ii rugam pe prieteni sa fie acolo cand avem nevoie de ei... Am stat si eu cateva ore pe zi in ultima vreme, si am vazut, ca desi eu vreau ceva, uit sa rog frumos, sunt orb cand e oferit, si plang cand vad ca "oferta" nu mai e valabila. Imi cer scuze de limbaj, din pacate mintea mea nu mai e limpede ca lacul, dar nu mai e nici involburata ca o cascada.
Sper totusi ca va venii si ziua in care sa incetez sa ma autocompatimesc, si sa rog pe cei din jur sa fie asa cum sunt ei, stiu sigur ca realitatea e asa cum e, si eu sunt singurul care se poate schimba mai mult, pentru a o face mai placuta.

Rugaminte

2011-05-01T10:37:00.000-07:00

Dragă Isus,
Pentru că azi ne-ai oferit Ziua Milostivirii Divine, prin cuvântul lui Papa Ioan Paul al II-lea, mă gândeam, că aş putea să am o rugăminte de la Tine. Eu, te rog, dacă ai putea, să veghezi asupra prietenilor mei: Andrada Jucan, Sebastian Damian, Luci Toma, Alexandra Poparad, Gabriela Cucuianu, Carina Henz, Oana Rusu, Liliana Bogos, Viviana Pop, Delia Suceveanu, Opriş Theodora, Philip Rus, şi cei pe care îi apreciez mai mult, sau mai puţin! Aş vrea să le aduci zâmbetul pe chip, şi să le oferi o clipă de fericire alăuri de cei dragi, sau să aibă parte de persoanele care-şi doresc. Aş mai vrea, să le numeri fiecare lacrimă şi moment de suferinţă şi să-mi spui.
Însă cred totuşi că m-aş bucura mai mult, dacă ai lua din fericirea mea câte puţin şi ai oferi-o fiecăruia în momente de tristeţe. Îţi mulţumesc, că mai învăţat, să iubesc de câte ori cineva are nevoie de iubire, să iert, de câte ori cineva m-a rănit, să zâmbesc de fiecare dată când sunt trist, să îmbrăţişez persoanele singure, să fiu alături de prieten de câte ori îmi cer ajutorul, să apreciez chiar si zâmbetul întors pentru o faptă bună săvârşită, dar nu în ultimul rând să-mi iubesc părinţii! Sper ca rugăciunea mea să ajungă la urechile tale, cu fiecare bătaie a vântului.
Cu milostenie,
fiul tău Cătălin Silipaş

Enigma Otiliei

2010-05-01T07:46:00.001-07:00

“Enigma Otiliei” este un roman realist cu elemente modern de tip balzacian, citadin. La aparitia sa in 1938( in doua volume), romanul avusese o evolutie extreme de rapida, dominand literature romaneasca interbelica.
Pivotul firului narativ va fi clanul familial, urmarindu-se mai multe destine umane: al Otiliei, al lui Felix, al lui Stanica Ratiu, al Olimpiei, al lui Pascalopol, al lui Titi, al Auricai. Familia ce contura relatiile sociale, economice si viata burgheziei bucurestene la inceputul secolului douazeci.
Un prim-plan al romanului il prezinta cele doua familii, Costache Giurgiuveanu cu Otilia si clanul Tulea. Mobilul principal fiind averea lui Costache, pe care o vana clanul Tulea, carora li se alatura inventivul si razletul Stanica Ratiu, ginerele Aglaei, sora lui Costache.
Eforturile lor sunt canalizate statornic pe inalturarea Otiliei, fica vitrega a lui Costache Giurgiuveanu, fata celei de-a doua sotii, crescuta fara acte de adoptii legale.
Alt plan al romanului, ne prezinta destinul tanarului Felix Sima, ramas orfan, venit sa studieze medicina la Bucuresti, dornic de a face cariera si care traieste prima sa experienta erotica. Aceasta constituie fondul liric al romanului: iubirea romantica, adolescentina a lui Felix pentru Otilia, pe care o cunostea din corespondenta intretinuta cu C. Giurgiuveanu, unchiul sau, care trebuia sa-I fie tutore si sa-i administreze bunurile lasate de tatal sau, care murise.
In casa lui mos Costache, in care va locui, il cunoaste pe Pascalopol, mosier, cu maniere alese, si clanul Tulea, ce locuieste in vecinatatea casei lui Costache. Felix o iubeste pe Otilia, dar este gelos pe Pascalopol, o prezenta nelipsita din preajma Otiliei, si necesara prin generozitatea, experienta si cavalerismul omului rafinat. Otilia il iubeste pe Felix, dar vrea sa-l ajute sa se realizeze in cariera lui stintifica, intuindu-i cu maturitate si luciditate ambitia, dorinta de a ajunge “cineva”.
Plimbarile cu trasura la sosea impreuna cu Pascalopol, capricile si luxurile satisfacute cu o generozitate subtila si discrete de acesta, instinctual feminine precoce, inteligenta si discernamantul practice, izvorate dintr-o experienta timpurie nesigura, toate acestea o fac pe Otilia sa-l accepte pe Pascalopol drept sot.
Neintelegand actiunile Otiliei, Felix se considera pe sine o enigma, El va studia cu seriozitate, va devenii medic si profesor universitar, facand o casatorie stralucita. Otilia va ramane o amintire, o imagine a eternului feminine.
Pe celalalt plan, al acestei lupte acerbe pentru mostenire, atacand-o pe Otilia cu infinite si inventive rautati, clanul Tulea cunostea declinul familial: Aglae nu reuseste sa puna mana pe banii luiCostache, pentru ca-i furase Stanica de sub salteaua batranului, provocand moartea acestuia, la al doilea atac cerebral ce-l suferise; Stanica renunta la Olimpia, care-l plictisea si nu tinea pasul cu ritmul sau alert si imprevizibil de arivist, prefacand-o pe Georgeta, femeie usoara, dar prezentabila, inteligenta, care-i va inlesni relatii “inalte”, in lumea Bucurestiului; Titi va divorta de Ana, evoluand psihic spre o idiotenie vizibila( se legana din ce in ce mai mult); Aurica va ramane tot nemaritata si nerealizata erotic.
La sfarsitul romanului aflam ca Pascalopol, i-a redat libertatea Otiliei, care va ajunge in Spania, America, nevasta unui conte, „asa ceva”- va spune Stanica Ratiu. Prinvind o fotografie recenta a Otiliei, Felix va vedea o figura straina, o Otilie maturizata, chipul ei acum spulberand imaginea enigmaticei adolescente. Ea a ramas o iluzie a tineretii.

Intrusul

2010-05-01T03:48:00.000-07:00

Romanul “Intrusul” a aparut in 1968, imediat dupa al doilea lea volum “Morometii” plecand de la un caz real; este un roman neomodernist, ce realizeaza legatura cu literature interbelica prin problematica intelectualului, analiza psihologica, subiectivism, prespectiva unica, scrierea la persoana I, timpul subiectiv.
Tema romanului este drama singuratatii individului si incercarea de regasire de sine( tema tipica romanelor existentialiste). Compozitia romanului este simetrica sau circulara, prin calatoria de la inceput a lui Surupaceanu, si cea de la sfarsit. Prima calatorie da impresia unui final de drum, in mod paradoxal, iar ultima calatorie, da impresia unui nou inceput, unei sperante. Are cinci parti, marcand in mod chronologic, cinci etape din viata personajului( compozitie tipica clasicismului).
Structura romanului constituie doua planuri. Primul plan ne destainuie destinul lui Calin Surupaceanu, iar cel de-al doilea plan ne arata viata instaurata de regimul communist.

Muntele

2010-05-01T03:47:00.001-07:00

Poezia a fost inclusa in volumul “Moartea ceasului”, publicat in 1967, volum ce pune mare accent pe reprezentarea timpului si a mortii; este si o ilustrare a curentului existentialist, curent ce se manifesta in secolul XX ca o expresie a insingurarii individului. Existentialismul considera destinul uman ca fiind potrivnic omului, de aici si absurdul existentei.
In cadrul poeziei, omul este comparat cu Sisif, purtand fara rost povara vietii pana cand ajnge sa se revolte impotriva destinului sau, astfel observam ca omul existentialist traieste drama insingurarii, a absurdului. Poezia contine drama poetului avand o constinta avansata, dublata de luciditate.
El se stie ca o piatra dura, capabila sa formeze muntii( o fiinta superioara, aleasa), dar destinul potrivnic( “regretabila confuzie”) il oblige la o viata banala, inferioara; propune atitudinea stoica, dar revolta se acumuleaza pana la izbucnirea in urlet, simtind ca insasi libertatea ii este afectata, exclamand retoric dorinta sa de intim.

A saptea elegie

2010-05-01T01:02:00.000-07:00

Poezia face parte din volumul “11 elegii” aparut in 1966, este o opera de varf a creatiei poetului. Opera poetica a lui Nichita Stanescu se contureaza ca un edificiu in trepte, fiind evidente astfel, cel putin trei etape ale lirismului sau:
- Etapa initiala, marcata de un lirism al consonantei dintre sine si lume, al extazului unitatii finite si al iubirii, ca un sentiment originar al nasterii cuvantului
- A doua etapa isi are punctual maxim in volumul “11 elegii” cand se descopera efectul timpului asupra statutului cuvantului in discursul poetic si aventura constiintei de sine in cunoastere
- A treia etapa este marcata de cautarea sursei poeziei in formele poecitatii, dominate fiind tema timpului si a mortii
Tema principala a poeziei “A saptea elegie” este cunoasterea pusa in slujba creatiei, poezia fiind o arta poetica a lui N. Stanescu. Termenul “elegie” exprima tristetea poetului constient de limitele cunoasterii umane, de nesiguranta adevarurilor dobandite sau chiar renuntarea la propriul destin.
Cifra 7 exprima cele sapte domenii de cunoastere enumerate in textul poeziei, puse intr-o ordine a complexitatii formelor de viata, de la mineral la vegetal, apoi de la fiintele complexe pana la fiinta poetului. El incearca sa cunoasca toate formele vietii, desi constata ca nu e capabil sa inteleaga pe deplin, nici din propria fiinta.
Dorinta poetului, de creatie este atat de puternica incat, el traieste in numele zborului imaginatiei, in care tot ce este real se transforma in element constitutive al unei lumi fictionale, astfel poetul devine o fiinta a cunoasterii.

Realismul Socialist

2010-05-01T00:12:00.000-07:00

Termenul de “realism socialist” a fost pus in circulatie la Moscova(1934). La primul congres al scriitorilor comunisti, desemnand literature create sub indemnul Partidului Comunist pentru masele largi muncitoare.
Modelul patrunde la noi, dupa pactul de la Ialta(1945) formandu-se astfel “lagarul socialist”, blocul tarilor intrate sub influenta URSS. Cultura romana se transforma sub directivele PC intr-o unealta de formare a omului nou, cetatean care trebuie sa slujeasca interesele de partid si idealurile comuniste cu maxima abnegatie.
In septembrie 1946 are loc primul congres al scriitorilor, dupa al doilea razboi mondial prin care sunt transformati in muncitori intelectuali, literature trecand sub controlul unic al PC. Astfel sunt inlaturate curentele literare, experimentele artistice, inovatiile stilistice si temele reactionare. Sunt inlaturati si scriitori ce nu se conformeaza acestor modele.
Ca reprezentanti avem pe : Mihai Beniuc, Dan Desliu, Maria Banes, George Lesnea, Eugen Jebeleanu, Alexandra Andritoiu. Inceputurile eliberarii de sub constrangerile realismului socialist, se face prin Nicolae Labis, care declanseaza o miscare in randul tinerelor generatii de poeti, ce va intoarce poezia spre liric, spre frumos, spre evenimentele imaginarului, reinnoind firul cu literature interbelica. Apar reprezentati ca Anatol Baconsky, model preluat de Nichita Stanescu, Marin Sorescu, Cezar Baltag, Ana Blandiana, Florenta Albu, Mircea Ivanescu, iar mai tarziu prin anii (1970) Adrian Paunescu.
In 1941 gruparea “Albatros” la Bucuresti, condusa de Geo Dumitrescu, din ea facand parte constant, C. Tonegari, D, Stelaru si V. Tarynopol. Acest grup creeaza o poezie ce exprima revolta fata dde o realitate apasatoare, incercand sa socheze prin imagini artistice, spiritual ludic, vorbirea cu subanteles, rastalmacirea, luand in deradere toate lucrurile grave.
In 1945 apare “Cercul Literar” la Sibiu, cultivand balada ca o specie rafinata, bazata pe alegorii subtile, intelectuale, in care se imbina toate genurile literare. Din acest cerc fac parte: Stefan Augustin Doinas, Radu Stanca, Ioan Negoitescu, D.D. Sarbu.
Tot in perioada realismului socialist se preconizeaza un teatru “militant” cu prezenta active in actualitatea luptei de clasa si solidarizare a intregului popor, in jurul idealurilor partidului communist. Exemplele cele mai semnificative sunt: A. Baranga” Bal la Fagadau” si M, Banus”Ziua cea Mare”.

Disolutie de fapt...

2010-04-12T12:50:00.000-07:00

Ca simplu fapt, uneori, ceea ce noi facem cu un scop este adesea inteles de altii ca fiind un scop distructiv... faptele noastre ca oameni, nu se justifica intotdeauna. Atunci cand credem ca am facut un bine persoanei, defapt persoana poate considera acel bine ca fiind un rau. Ce interesant!
Se spune ca calugarii japonezi au capacitatea de a ramane calmi, in orice situatie, daca ii intrebi, raspunsul lor e simplu. Invata sa ierti, sa iubesti, sa dai fara sa astepti sa primesti, sa nu judeci inainte de a afla adevarul, invata sa fi in comuniune cu tine insuti... Prima intrebare: Ce inseamna a fi in comuniune cu tine insuti?. Raspunsul e simplu inseamna a-ti accepta defectele ca find existente, si a incerca sa le faci inexistente in subconstientul tau, a incerca sa nu reactioneazi violent unui efect violent venit asupra ta, toate se unesc intr-un singur cuvant: MEDITATIA!
Daca stii sa meditezi asupra ta, nu vei mai judeca pe altul, dar te vei judeca pe tine. Suntem oameni, ne-am nascut si capacitatea noastra de auto-educare scade pe zi ce trece... Conform a ce spun clericii, devenim niste oi care se iau dupa turma cu care umbla.

Farfuridi

2010-04-09T12:09:00.001-07:00

Afara ploua si florile sau udat... Primavara, moment de reculegere, natura renaste. Viata,e buna,rea, frumoasa,urata, grasa, slaba, mancabila, dezgustatoare... Nu dam amanunte la TVA-ul de pe reclama.
Va rugam cumparati aceasta pagina web, numai cu recomandarea medicului pediatru... el stie daca e bine pentru voi sau rau! Nu eliberam retete de tratament in caz de infestare...

Nu! Acum, va rog frumos sa luati loc, trecem la chestii, serioase, prima lectie, cum sa iti cunosti prietenul cel mai bine... tema zilei, prietenia, greu de intretinut, e perioada de criza. Foloseste armele cele mai dure si daca el, ramane statornic in increderea in tine, atunci vei stii ca este prietenul tau adevarat, e simplu ca o cezariana... nu cautati prea multe amanunte ca stricati farmecul vietii! Ce hilar, e ceata pe pagina de ziar... TV plin de purici, iar am uitat sa cumpar pudra de talc...
Vacanta, momentul de facut yoga, la ora 6 pe Prima Tv, lectii gratis de luat bani de la cetateni. In final, Muzeul de Arta, locul viselor mele, tablou de viitor, inclestari de fapte, e foaie, e papirus, e petala dulce a trandafirului... pluteste, congelat in apa rece.

Analiza personala...

2010-03-31T08:14:00.000-07:00

Am sa incep, prin a spune, sunt un elev in clasa a 12-a, am implinite de aproape o luna varsta de 19 si am descoperit de curand, ca am inceput sa desfasor defecte de adolescenta pe care pana acuma le infranasem... Am o poveste trista despre mine, n-am crezut niciodata ca daca ma iau dupa idea unei fete, pot ajunge sa fac un joc atat de urat, in care sa-mi includ persoanele de care-mi pasa cel mai mult, persoanele, pe care mi-am dorit si imi doresc, sa le am prieteni pentru mult timp... povestea incepe cam asa:
Totul a inceput in mintea mea, cu cateva saptamani inainte sa implinesc, 19 ani, in timpul unei conversatii cu o prietena am ajuns, nu stiu cum, la idea ca "daca reusesc sa te supar, oare vom mai fi prieteni...", astfel mintea mea, as putea spune nerusinata, a nascocit idea, unui joc murdar, un joc ce se baza pe cacalma, dar care viza o explozie mare de orgoliu... Victima, din pacate a fost chiar aceasta prietena.
Startul jocului a fost prin modul in care, eu mi-am folosit doi din prieteni, ca pioni de joc in invitatia la pizza de ziua mea, am dedus, ca victima, se va intelege bine cu varul meu, si va avea multa incredere in el... asa a si fost. Insa al doilea pion, a fost un prieten si coleg foarte bun, lucru de care acum imi cam pare rau.
din acea, zi eu am fost observator la toate reactil victimei, si am continuat sa demonstrez ca sunt de incredere. Intre timp m-am indragostit de o fata, dar am spus victimei, ca m-am indragostit de ea.... raspunsul la acest lucru, a fost asa cum trebuia, victima s-a distantat de mine, dar s-a apropiat si s-a imprietenit mai bine cu colegul meu, asa cum ma si asteptam sa se intample.

Se pare, ca am avut dreptate despre mine...fac cele mai mari greseli posibile, si din pacate le si sesizez, am talente si din cauza lipsei de incredere a celor din jurul meu, ajung sa ii departez cu ele, de mine. In momentul de fata, ma intreb, de ce am facut ce am facut, si cu ce scop, caci n-am cautat nici un castig... poate am vrut sa tai din orgoliu, poate... Am 19 ani, si nu gasesc incredere acolo unde eu ofer incredere... Sunt singur, pentru ca eu sunt cauza acestei singuratati, sunt ceea ce sunt pentru ca vad ce fac, si sunt incapabil sa corectez in totalitate un defect...
In momentul de fata imi doresc sa-mi atac propria mandrie, pentru ca ceea ce am facut e cel mai josnic lucru pe care il poate face un baiat fata de o fata, si fata de prietenii lui. Oare ma vor ierta vreodata, oare ma pot ierta eu pe mine...?

Pentru persoanele care nu au inteles acest mesaj, este vorba despre 3 persoane + eu, pe care le-am inclus intr-un joc pentru a le studia comportamentul fiecaruia in diferite situatii in care le-am pus si pe ele si pe mine, pentru a reusii acest proiect:).

Capitalismul "inocent"

2010-03-24T12:58:00.001-07:00

Ce trist, e omul, cand realitatea il apasa, ce plina este viata, de atata ignoranta... este oare, cineva, acolo, sa te caute si sa-ti spuna "Buna, esti okay?!". Adevarul e ca nu esti de gasit, dar vine primavara, si florile... adica, stai zambeste-mi printre norii cerului albastru... oare, vorbesc cu mine insumi, sau esti tu, aceea ce-mi raspunde, cu acele palme de vant uscate si marunte?
Frigul trece printre ochii adormiti, caldura vezi pe zambetele artificiale ale lor... ce e acela, elev, mi se pare inutil... suntem aici, sa invatam sa fim ceea ce vrem, sau e doar ceva iluzie creata pentru a ne schimba destinul intr-o societate?!Sunt adolescent, sunt ateu, sunt crestin, sunt visator, sunt nebun, sunt ceea ce vede fiecare, dar adevarul e ca fiecare vede numai ce vrea el sa vada, putini, mai au ochii deschisi, putini mai cauta... consider ca sunt inutil caci spun, parerea mea.
De ce avem oglinda, printre spinii reci, ai trandafirului uscat... a trecut oare pentru noi, trairea intensa, a devenit curajul doar o scena de teatru pentru o dispozitie de moment!? Faptele nu se mai justifica a fi eficace atunci, cand vrei sa impresionezi, la modul elegant.... brutalitatea, a fost candva, o lovitura asupra subconstientului, acum insa e ceva normal... intreb pe cineva si-ti spune... ia-o fa ce vrei cu ea, daca ai pofte satisfatile ca doar, n-ai sa le ti in tine, pentru putina dragoste, ca dragostea-i doar un act din piesa pe care trebuie sa o joci in viata...
Dar eu ce sunt, actor?!... nu sunt doar papusa altora, asta e evident, ne nastem, si niciodata nu reusim sa ne impunem fara a fi papusa cuiva mai presus de altii... atunci ce rost mai avem?!... sfatul este, sau se presupune a fi, sa fim indiferenti, ei, e alegerea fiecaruia... eu de e, mor si acum... daca voi asta vreti...

Amintiri...

2010-02-25T10:19:00.000-08:00

Ei… m-am vazut cautand prin amintirile vietii de demult, si iata, ca ascunsa intre pagini albe, sterse, se ascundea o mica declaratie:
Draga Anda,

Am scris aceasta scrisoare, de dragul vremurilor in care, noi, ne plimbam pe marginea padurii. Eu prinvindu-ti ochii caprui, ca frunza vestejita, si ascultandu-ti cantecul duios ce-mi incalzeste inima. Mi-e dor de serile, sub stele, in care te tineam in brate sarutandu-ti gatul, in timp ce, tu, spuneai povesti, despre cum ai sa te-ndragostesti, si ca pe mine, sperai ca niciodata sa nu ma parasesti.
Dimineata cand ma trezesc, ma gandesc la sarutul dulce, ca capsuna, al buzelor tale. Imi amintesc, dulcile si fericitele tale reactii, la auzul creatiei mele spuse-n fata balconului, in mijloc de amurg.
In ochii mei, tu esti phoenixul ce zboara in mijloc de noapte si canta cu voiosie, imprastiind dragostea in inima oricui. As vrea, sa-ti mai vad odata chipul, mladios ca o sirena, sa-ti mangai ochii de smarald si parul brun ca frunza toamnei... Mi-e dor de tine, atat am vrut sa-ti spun, te iubesc, ca pe un inger.
Te sarut!
Catalin

Singuratate, tristete, suferinta in nocturnul gand

2010-01-28T02:23:00.000-08:00

Canta, canta pentru mine! Spune-mi, ce e bine si ce e rau, aici in mintea mea, adevarul greu il voi gasii... nu mai vreau, m-am saturat de totul, vreau sa uit, vreau... sa canti, sa canti pentru mine, iubirea mea! Nu ma lasa, singur, sa ma pierd in minciunile mintii, nu ma lasa, sa plang ceea ce n-a fost plans. Te rog, canta-mi sa te aud, in noapte, sa te aud, cum tu ma strigi in soapte... salveaza-ma din mintea mea, vindeca-ma de ceea ce e rau, in mine!
Eu sunt cel, ce lasa umbre in camera ta, noaptea! EU iti incalzesc sufletul cu vantul... dar eu sunt cel, ce pierde ziua printre nori, si cauta amorul in noapte... sunt cel ce, pe veci aude, mii de soapte... Noaptea simt raceala singuratatii, cum ma slabeste in puteri, ma vrea mort in ochii tai! Doar lumina, acele-i luni uitate de mult, pe cerul innegrit, doar ea, ma ajuta sa respir, sa nu uit, ca va venii o zi, cand voi fi, un inger pazitor, un inger mort!
Lasa-ma sa mor, din tristetea noptii, da-mi lumina, sa ies din haul acesta, sa-mi eliberez, al meu suflet ravasit de suferinte... Singur mor, ascuns in umbra noptii! TU m-ai luminat, sa pot respira prin ochii tai, sa vad ce vad si ei, sa iubesc ce iubesc si ei, sa am motivul... sa traiesc!

Ca sa vezi

2010-01-25T12:46:00.000-08:00

Eh... ca sa vezi! Stam si eu la povesti, si dintr-odata cum era vorba despre iubire, amor si dragoste mi-am adus aminte, cum baiatul fuge de raspuns cu diverse expresii ca "brb sa mananc", "ma duc la masa", "am de invatat", etc... ca sa vezi, si noi zicem despre noi ca nu suntem sentimentali:)) ce ironie ca suntem doar niste copii in fata iubirii, fugim sa ne ascundem de teama, ca poate raspundem gresit sau poate vom fi judecati gresit... de aceea scriitori ne-au dat un nume placut urechilor: "Mancatori sentimentali ce sunteti!"... haha... imi place, ma simt:P

Realitati marunte...

2010-01-22T13:00:00.001-08:00

E clar, momentel sunt ceva ce trebuie savurat si indurat din toata inima...ce ne-am face noi fara suferinta, am fi considerati nebuni sa visam la o astfel de viata. Dar care e rostul, sa ne ascundem, de ce? Nu ne poate spune nimeni, cum sa fim, noi suntem asa cum suntem, dar nu inseamna ca suntem copii si visatori, maturi si prosti, lucruri practic imposibile, fiecare om are cate putin din fiecare, insa fiecare decide ce doreste sa adopte pe viitor pentru a se conforma cu viata sau pentru a se simtii bine in anturajul sau.
Ce comentarii, ce idiot, ce tampit, ce incompetent, ce prost... acestea sunt doar o parte din raspunsurile la ceea ce face fiecare si e complet diferit sau altii nu sunt capabili a se adapta la standardul acesta... implicit apare, rautatea, invidia, incoerenta anumitor situatii din care reiasa violenta. Vorbesc aiureli asta credeti stiu... well... nu va judec, gandesc mai larg, vad altfel totul, asta e diferenta!

Dragoste spirituala sau pasiune!?

2010-01-18T11:20:00.001-08:00

Ce vag imi aduc aminte, de noaptea aceea mistica, in preajma ei, pe banca… privirile noastre ardeau de pofta trupului. Si acum imi aduc aminte, cu greu ma stapaneam sa nu-i gust buzele rosii si carnale... simteam piciorul ei, gol cum imi cerea pulpa, sinteam bratul cum ma dorea cu totul, ce moment putea spune ca dragostea nu e un impuls sexual, plin de gelozie, la atingerea ficarei parti din trupul iubitei din bratele mele...
Seara ne strangea unul spre altul, uniunea era de neoprit, dragostea ei, era de un mistic nemaintalnit desi ea incerca, zadarnic sa refuze dorinta de a fi a mea... momentul devine sufocant, o simt cum tremura, o sarut, simt dintii ei cum cauta, sa ma muste... dintr-odata, se ridica, si fuge, dar fuge la fereastra... ochii, pierduti din orbite, exprima spaima, ma priveste ca pe un nebun, un diavol ce vrea sa o devoreze, sau e doar frica ei paterna...

Un fragment de fericire din viata

2010-01-13T04:38:00.000-08:00

Sunt zile-n care-mi aduc aminte de acea zi, acea zi in care eram pe drum prin Moldova si in fiecare seara ma gandeam la acei ochi albastrii, cum ma hipnotizau cand ii priveam... mergand pe drum priveam ceru, si-o vedeam, pe ea, cum paseste de pe un nor pe altul si cum ma cheama spunandu-i vantului sa ma strige “Till”...
Atunci mi-am dorit tot m-ai mult sa o am in brate asa ca, l-am rugat pe tatal meu timp de doua seri sa mergem sa o vad! Dupa multe refuzuri am reusit sa-l conving si am pornit spre ea... cu fiecare kilometru inima mea, batea tot mai tare... Ajuns pe digul unui mare lac, am privit ca in oglinda si am vazut ca momentul ce urma sa se intample va fi de neuitat.
A veni! M-a imbratisat, moment in care am crezut ca am murit, ma simteam deja in rai, fiecare cuvant pe care mi-l spunea, imi doream sa ramana vesnic in urechile mele… stateam in fata ei si o priveam” ce inger, pentru el am facut eu 1000 de kilometri” … Dupa 10 minute de momente care pareau sa nu se mai termine, ea a trebuit sa plece. Trist a fost momentul cand am privit-o cum dispare cu masina dupa copaci si trist a fost lucrul ca doar in minte a mai ramas aceasta dulce imagine... aceste frumoase 10 minute pe un colt de rai.

Thoughts good for life

2009-10-31T08:48:00.001-07:00

Eh… Well, I was just thinking if I should talk about what I see around myself! The Freshman Ball passed, and the book I’m reading right now shows me how a teacher sees his students inside their heart, so all of this information is showing me new realities... Such less time passed by and I keep having the sensation I gathered to many information.
The ball was like most of the ball’s around here, with matches and contests, but of course with some labeling of beauty too ... this is one of my favorite ball part...haha... without girls the picture of the ball is insignificant, those words were told by a well known painter, wavy hair, many kinds of hair styles, cheeks who that look ablaze, graceful movements, golden smiles, insightful eyes, standing as two wings, round buttocks, and there are more to tell about but the time will show them to all of us...
Lets not forget this is the Freshman Ball for the 9th grade, and still in this ball a man find only temptations, wishes that call the be accomplished, makes them feel remorseful, pleasures, abuses of privacy, exceeding the limits, talents exposure, etc...
From an artistic view point, I see through a ball, as a place that spreads lot kinds of sentiments, of inspiration, this year ball had opened my eyes to new grades of knowledge about those who live around me and act differently in any situation, especially when it comes to write or color the words to make a beauty from a beast. From this subject, I really believe I could pass on to a well know question: Whom or what is a women?
This is funny, lets see what answer I can give for it...well... as a start I can say the women it’s and obstacle, a hard one to discover, she’s a mysterious personality from the physically and spiritually. Seems right now I’m speaking like a dreamer for the perfect women, something non-existent of course, well not really existent but I could say that would be much better to watch each shape the a women has to show, starting with the physically one then passing slowly on the spiritually, and as a small advice try don’t do them both in same time, that would make you fall at first sight...haha… it seems I have to admit I’m saying from my own experience.
I’ve got a tic that I should show off, as many friends told me, I’m thinking in addition and when I don’t have too, all of this are like a pain in the but, and I have to get rid of it, it seems weird that I don’t even know what makes me thinking in addition, it could be cause I like being a curious person, I want to know more and do more. So this I have to write down on my future list about things I have to change at me, less thinking and more mystery...( this is a thing told by a friend, she said it helps for catching girls).

IET 2009 Ileanda

2009-10-14T12:36:00.000-07:00

Hey, I’ve forgotten about you, I’ve came to unpack some memories from IET 2009 Ileanda… I still can’t believe I’ve been an animator… when I think about those 260 teenagers from that day is like I’m dreaming but… I made some pictures anyway just to remember the activity from that day, we singed songs, we all prayed from each of us and for others, and I learned for the first time what it takes to be an animator officially.
We’ve been around twenty animators and it seems we pleased everybody who came there, they all praised that day when it has ended… is nice to see so many happy faces together, to hear so many pray wishes in their hearts and so youngsters being so wishfully in expressing something about HOPE, This was the talking point of the discussion groups, a nice theme indeed, everybody was full of ideas when they’ve start using their imagination, all of them had something to say about hope, about the images through that it’s able to appear…Lets hope next year will be more participants as many of those wished to see, so they can participate to many more activities together.

Transilvania Jazz Festival

2009-09-26T00:03:00.000-07:00

Omg! They already announced the Transilvania Jazz Festival program and I know nothing... hmmz... the period is 15-19 of october.. The best this ever is that Decebal Badila, Namaste, Oliver Gatto, Emy Dragoi & Teodosi Spassov are coming again to this fest... last year they were great on scene and on the workshops to: X.
At least I hope this year will be more volunteers to help make the fest better, last year we were so lazy, we almost all day drinked tea... or the traditional coffe.
Well, by the program we can say if this year the fest will be cool or not:

Sick-whispering

2009-09-23T00:37:00.000-07:00

Pfuaii, what should I talk about... is just that I’m sick of having so many diseases, people keep speaking about swine flu and I keep having nasopharyngitis, this year I think I broke a record on having this disease( 5 times till now), well the doctors shouldn’t be surprised that we are all sick when they cram us with all those antibiotics like cramming us with drugs, wasn’t there a law saying we aren’t allow to drug ourselves, but it seems we are involuntarily drugged...ha-ha... each time I established a plan for the twelve class program I wake up with a disease that disturbs my own rhythm of life and I got to become a mere vegetable.
Oh yes, I forgot to wander if the twelve class started or it’s just a whisper! eh, to be sure about that we miss school because of illness, so that’s how we will see how much we have to recover... just when I’ve started to be in vein for basketball , next will be jazz and I think I will get sick again, but better say „My Goodness!” I’m tired of this, I don’t like being lazy and speaking about boring things, especially that I have to sweat like a pig...lol... and now I’m even bald to, I really can be a pig=))... in the mean time I will start to read this year bibliography, I have to analyse 4 Romans anyway, plus I will have to read to, not only listening to music, doing sport and going to high school... not to mention about cooking!
Otherwise I’m lucky I found some new friends to chat with, indeed without just saying „What’s up?” or „Wha’ou do?” I merely tired of hearing this questions.... they denote a communication deficiency, and it’s an affront for sociable people. Sorry, I’m not saying this because I’m mad on people around me, you know I don’t get easily upset and merely getting those questions as an affront, I’m okay with it.
Now that I’m thinking , here on this tuff chair, I wander where will the Freshmen Ball will be organised this year, remembered about him when I’ve read a spoil about a ball, who knows where will my school get dizzy this year =)).
In the mean time I will do something else, I have to find a sport to be done inside cause for me it’s not enough playing 1 hour of basketball each day, even if I like to barter away the ball.
Awaiting for the photography lessons, I hope to learn well about, I’m still searching for some internet lessons, to vague to learn enough from them… it will be a shame to not pass that exam, I doing photography from so many times, and not having a diploma for it will be bad, I’m still hopping to find a photographer job in the University period, doesn’t matter the small pay I get...
For the free time as daddy used to say, I should speak more with the girls on my IM, I’ve got to many unknown in there, I wander does he thinks I’m flirting with all...ha-ha... well we keep in touch I go in the roaster to sweat a bit and cook myself perfectly everywhere...

Grinding through reallity

2009-09-17T10:40:00.000-07:00

Well should I consider myself a photographer or just a simple man with a bit of spicy imagination... but nevermind, I was just walking, today, on the parc and saw different image that could be taken as beautifull picture of a perfect happiness, smiles on their faces, but you know, where is happines has to be sadness to, and on pictures never missed such combination.
But one thing made me be indispossed, the reality is not what we wish, the reality always tries to change our way of life... should we believe the oldest when they say life is like a wound each time you grow she grows with you, and you just have to survive her and not let yourself in her backs...
I did change my look in a way with some reasons, is not really a prostest is just that I’m trying to clear all the words that people around me spread everywhere, if they maked me stupid I’, gonna be one so they can see what they wished for... and I wouldn’t name it a revenge, this is just a simple short time present, hope everybody is glad cause they all helped me get the present!

Fun daydreaming thoughts

2009-08-28T11:09:00.000-07:00

Ho ho ho, marry cheese mass… lolls I’m having fun today, suddenly noticed I have discovered new things and new parts that my friends were hiding, or I think I was making them hide those parts, gladly I wish to change in a better one so I can se more. I believe that now I will see all the world with other eyes, well could be a combination of reality with some ideas of mine because I still like fulfilling my wishes so I will try hard to gain all that I lost in my childhood years… especially speaking about music, I adore singing jazz so I will continue to evolve as fast as I can so I can walk through world and spread my happiness through it, and I won’t forget about my friends, I still have to apologise from most of them cause I didn’t saw faster how ruddily I acted so far when they tried to get to know me somehow in their ways, but I have to mention they have weird ways, not using the simple ones and that made me see so late all this “black bubbles” that appears on my mind bath… I wish everybody to have confidence and faith in their needs and dreams, someday or somehow few of them will surely come true and they will be very happy after….

Wandering… people’s life

2009-08-25T23:50:00.000-07:00

Hehe… I’m back… this time with some new things because I passed through a new level of my life, or at least, that’s what I think. In the holidays I had this year I saw people who can help me and people who just don’t want to know me because, well, they say I’m crazy). But as some old people said, we can’t change for everybody, I can’t be perfect, but if you want me to change just tell me what’s so wrong at me and I will try change it…
Funny this are just words I’m saying, that’s what you’ll think at first reading, well words mean something words give something and words can even take something from each, isn’t that right?! For the first time in my life I admit that I will stop analysing my activities all day, The blog will be enough, sometimes analysing all the time, makes others to don’t like you or just don’t want more from you, I know examples but I will speak just generally right now.
First thing I liked most at this year, it’s that between high school and ASTRU activities I’ve discovered the Retezat Mountains and a bit of “holiday love” it feels funny it’s so easy to love for a short period of time without being hurt after the time passes and you split up from that person… eh… hope I’m not getting to much in use with that. In the mean time my heart opened old doors trying to reactivate some old feelings, now I’m still thinking, should I follow my heart or just try to refuse her, together with the idea that the person will never want to be with me… neah, I think I’m dreaming right now, but keep in touch, I will come back later with something new, hopefully.

Is Love My Friend?

2009-07-24T12:13:00.001-07:00

Interesting… I was walking through my mind and suddenly saw that, I got my own vice that I have to escape. Impressive is that it’s all about love. The question is who am I to love?! I’m just a guy… young by mind and who likes a lot to LOVE.
Haha… funny… I’m obsessed with the word or it’s just a bad point about me?! Not sure but I think I don’t know how to love and to share this love in the way everybody does.
As books say, if you want get to the maximum calm watch how the rain hits the ground and number how many times she hits it, or a simple way if you are depressed just number all the hits that made you cry… lol… I can’t believe I’m my own bad subject, now I know I’m not good at this word “LOVE”.
Parents, what are they to tell us what to do… a question all children put, well they just try to make you not dream like I do, they try to show you that future will get you down if you live through dreams…
I thought till today, I got a very good friend near God…. But seems I only got a dream about how love was and it is not today… I wish I could wake up somehow cause this dream made me feel older, made me see to much evil around…
In the end, I’m going to sit on my knees and beg for a friend, not love cause LOVE HURTS…. I tough that’s all I want but now I’m lost….

Time has past

2009-07-15T13:27:00.000-07:00

It's interesting how life passes by with no damage left behind, with low memories about beautiful moments... I should start to believe we are really living in a dream, because what we wish from our heart has a huge possibility to be accomplished...now to get to the real point, my summer started very weird best things happened spontaneous others just passed by as a simple picture of the moment It's funny how friends can help you when you don't need but let you down at the moment when you could fall down and lose your mind, not speaking about the parents... they accidentally become more nervous, the patience and the chi between them is negative, ideas become a fight, but everything it's just in our minds, when summer goes off we forget everything and we become same happy, or partially happy family.. The best thing for me as a young boy, is to be optimistic... as a priest told me: "smile to the evil with forgiveness" good combination and nice effect I tried and passed by through it with a new view upon the world.... I'm waiting my holiday to go on as my heart wishes for... I wait to see those that I believe, they are a part of me soul...

Jazz Contest

2009-05-30T11:17:00.000-07:00

What a day, or I should say what a Friday... I've went there with some friends, and waitted my turn to sing those two songs whom got me the first prime, it was great I felt great but I still have to learn more and more to become a better singer...

Thoughts

2009-05-23T09:27:00.000-07:00

Gee! Its great after being out late, walking my baby back home... Funny those words make me laugh and dream about a beautiful life... its interesting I like dream all the time, as others say dreams are, for me the second world where I live. I wander, how can I combine does dreams, I can't always accomplish my dreams...
it doesn't matter I will keep on dreaming those fairytales, and does heroes I still wanna become even if those are dreams, they make me be optimistic. What I like the most is that I keep dream my friends, I love helping them, cossideting them a family it's a good thing for me. I going for a dream, I'm gonna scream for it...

Where I am

2009-05-08T11:10:00.000-07:00

Lost, that's the word that had started to define me... I got lost in myself, I got lost in this world and I can't find out what keeps me there and who could get me out. Anyway I'm still searching on the corners and cleaning my own viruses a tremendous task but still I have to do it for my own good. Jazz it’s one of my cures from these stressing activities I’m doing....
The youth of today is so different from what our parents and the books tell us, but we don’t understand one thing... we are the only one who can save us from us... I’m sorry for repeating the word but it has a big meaning in this life, as most of you know, together the power is much stronger, and we can dominate the communists and the adults who keep making us being more unculturised... I have to recognise that I’m hiding from something and that keeps making me be shy, I think I’m still the little dog who searches for know lodge more and forgets about the experience of practicing...
Life through books makes me feel much better, that’s why I still like reading, making poetries it’s a hobby that I stand to achieve…. I suppose I’m trying to run from life if I’m doing so many things, but still I’m waiting for someone who can open my eyes through my heart so I can stand still through this life and prosper for family and my own happiness.

Wishes

2009-03-26T04:42:00.000-07:00

I was staying on my bed in this middle day, and suddenly passed through my mind a thing " What are my wishes?" interesting question to be asked... So now I'm trying to think and answer myself as much as I can... right now, I'm trying to figure out what a 18 years old guy like me would need... but I dunno what I should wish, I mostly like seeing my friends smiling, I like life when music sounds harmonically, and I like people who know what is to really have fun.
hmmz.. I think I talked to much so I'm gonna go sing a song... see you next time!!

This filthy smoking....

2009-03-22T06:56:00.000-07:00

So that's it I got to this subject to, the inspiration was exactly my dead a realy often smoker, geez... what's so interesting about smoking?, from my point of view I'd better spend my money on ecomomies then spend them on something that make's me be bored. I remember first time when I tried a cigarette, I was in 7th class, near the CFR Stadion with my cousin and a guy, I smoked a bit, but after I told my dad about it, i figured out that smoking makes no use..
When I got in the 9th class, my colleagues tried to make me smoke and still I was just fooling around with them.. even now I still remember how Cezar was happy I smoked a bit, but still next day I was refusing, I supose those who don't know what to do with their life can smoke, I won't try to stop them.
I think that the cigarettes it's just a vice, a way of suicide/torture inside without dieing immediately... I have to recognize that because of my friends I'm a passive smoker , when I see all the smoke around me from them I'm starting to feel bored, but that's what they have chosen for the free time, I saw I can't stop them so I gave up trying...

My trust for all...

2009-03-20T13:17:00.000-07:00

What am I, to whom I can trust? This are just two questions that I keep asking myself sometimes... is it there a friend I can count on, is there a shoulder I can cry on, are there some eyes through I can hide, is there a heart for me?... I call for it, I am searching it, I even sing for it, last time I even wrote and spoked about it... but, she doesn't answer me, I've grown weaker, I'm lost in shadows... Who can get me back, save me? I'm hurt , even forced to be violent and evil... I'm starting to see how other need help and I'm trying anything for them... but who we are to keep doing this, why are we doing this? Aren't we good enough to stand by?
I'm tired, my eyes have gone darker, I look to the Moon, and I beg her,I call her, I thought my heart it's infinite, thought I can love everybody at same level, even thought I can protect all my friends... but as always I forgot about me, I've gone lost in my own jungle, and I think no one will even try to get me out of it.... my eyes are closing I'm falling, my view is gone I'm a fire that keep burns...

Why a pierce... for what?

2009-03-19T13:28:00.001-07:00

Out on the street, on to the first corner you go and see a girl with a pierce in her right part of the mouth, it was big and it made her look ugly. Very strange even if it looks ugly she doesn't even care about it.... passing by her,I asked" do you like what you got?" but she answers" are you stupid!",seems she doesn't know her image, she looks awful ... she runs of afterwords... I still can't figure out what we gain by doing this piercing ?, some say that's how we hide our hate, some say that's how we punish from our sins.It's not helpful this to stop what happens between some of us, I think socialization it's one of the keys we need.
I got colleges that you could ask " hey, why you got pierce?", the answer comes like this " it's fashionable".... well if they say it's fashionable to be an irrational animal, seems we all go down one by one ... we are changing our gens man becomes women and viceversa...
We are living on a disintegrated planet,on our own bomb, destructing us without even knowing why we do it and how... at least I;'d tell myself where to but a pierce to don't show ugly because of some motive,I don't wanna look like a pig ... I'm afraid of what we are starting to create we are like nanobots who destroy almost everything in their way...
I'd recommend you to find a day, to look in the mirror, and at least once try be yourself don't hide behind this things... and be careful who you name as a friend and who to follow, because is it possible to see your wrong, but just when it's to late, don't forget no one can judge you for what you are....

Distractie de seara

2009-03-19T10:14:00.000-07:00

Heey! Sems I managed to find a moment to search through my memories graveyard and I found an old theathrical conversation wich made me great pleasure and made me laugh. I though you would like to see it and laugh to so I posted it here to remain as a good memory:

Tilly: hmmz vad ca-ti place nevasta
G@briela69: aolo yo mor de ras la ora asta
Tilly: stai nevasto nu muri ca… mai am totusi nevoie de tine
G@briela69: ))
Tilly: dupa ce mi faci poti sa mori, ca nu mai dau pensie alimentara si iau copiii
G@briela69: :))
Tilly: vezi tu mai mult razi decat vorbesti mai… nevasta… nu ma fa ca te scalpez>:)
G@briel69: aolo toti v-ati gasita in seara asta sa ma faceti sa rad.
Tilly: Dalai daca altceva n-am ce face draga, ca copii… un vrei sa-mi faci
G@briela69: ))
G@briela69: mnu sunt tanara
Tilly: m-ma intors, nevasta, esti gata de faza a2-a?
G@briela69: un mai pot de ras, gata
Tilly: buun… da-ti jos bluza… da incet, asa
Tilly: usor ca sa pot sa pun frisca
Tilly: si da drumu la emotiile alea, ca nu arde buricu sa prajesc niste fripturi
G@briela69: ))
Tilly woow… mai usor, aproape ca mai improscat cu ulei
Tilly: linisteste-te
Tilly: hai… sa curatam si niste cartofi, sa facem cartofi pai daca tot arzi asa tare
Tilly:-w
Tilly: mi se face foame=P~
Tilly: ah… miros de friptura cu parfum de trandafiri=P~
G@briela69: ))
Tilly: ce tot razi, hai, acum. Da bluza si pantalonii aia jos, ca or lua foc si n-am adus extinctoru ala din bucatarie
G@briela69:))
Tilly: uite, nici un stie sa… sa se dezbrace, vino-n coa’, asa ti le dau eu jos
G@briela69: ))
Tilly: :-w
Tilly: Noah… uite… ma faci sa ma chinui… da, trage picioru ala odata ca n-avem vreme
Tilly: se arde friptura
Tilly: asa… acum linge tu frisca aia care ti-am pus-o, bine?!... pana aduc eu shampania
G@briela69: aolo ai innebunit
Tilly: ce draga, lasa vorba si tine paharu asta sa torn in cinstea unei cine pasionale:>
G@briela69: ))
Tilly: noroc draga, da lasa rasu ca mi te ineci aici:-w…
G@briela69: noroc…. mor de ras…
Tilly: daca vrei intram si pe faza a 3-a dar cand o sa ardem de nevoie:P

I will never forget how much sentiments I had put in this girl so I can say all those things.... I could say it was a real pasional day spent in my imagination...

My Image...

2009-03-17T07:28:00.000-07:00

I just walked through Hi5, Tagged and Facebook, and suddenly I was thinking how good the world looks through their body image, sincerely I look like a district pile, even Joana Iepureanu told me “excuse me I though your the district pile" you know I think I'm starting to believe what she said... So many youths have nice bodies; they appreciate them so much, caring them, even giving them attention, etc. Me, what I'm doing, I've looked nice when I've been born, but now I'm changing in a beast, I'm loosing meat lol, I'm disappearing like a haste. We all got borne with mind but not all with great bodies, still we're working on it, I'm growing so fast though I even don't want, not talking about weight to, having for more then 6 years the same weight it's not healthy. Becomes to hard to find ways of gaining weight with simple train, I even eat much but with no use. Well I recon, I'm still a young and a sportive, did many of them, I've even start to like foot walking more then paying money for a bus, I don't eat much junk food neither fast food, I adore apples you know doctor says one per day helps allot, tennis is my summer favourite sport, and each night before sleep a bit of flotation for a well sleep. You know it's interesting, 18 years have past, and I'm still confronting with same problems, well most of them, last year I've learned for the first time how to breath at jogging, this made me exaggerate and hurting my muscles . But I'm still working for the body I wish to have, and I won’t ever stop, I will be the same child even if my brain is growing up.

Friends the best thing ever

2009-03-17T05:00:00.000-07:00

Well, seems I’ve start to think again at my friends, and they say each of them has a unique talent, in music( here I can say I got R, A, T, N, B, C, I), in dance( T, C, C, G), instruments( S, L, V, C, B, C, F), fun( a place for all indeed), studies( again a place for all), etc. The thing I like the most is when I see each of their smiles, well sincerely that make me happy most of the time, their smiles. I got curios on a little thing I observed about me getting along easier with a girl then with a boy, and that made me pass to a friend who’s a psychologist . After long debates we came to a clue that I got a very rich imagination so some girls like this ... I’ve wondered.... but still, I asked why I can’t find my half, the answer came with a laugh but with some words too:" it’s very interesting that you asked me, I think one of your problems is that your to classic, to romantic, to much old style I could say, but the other is your defects come outside over it, the girls step of, and start to think about it before making a move...".... this made me a bit gloomy. I didn’t gave up so easy so I went with an other question" why the friends doesn’t help me correct them?", after a long and painful silence, with a grin he started" I think they aren’t as capable as you in helping friends, or they don’t know what you would think about them after the truth is spelled or you’re just a simple hand for them, you come they use you and after that you’re forgotten ". Oh my God, I’ve start to shake a bit and tanked that I have to do something so my friends could understand my feelings, what should I do to gain their confidence and trust?! , What should I…, How to make them help me, I believe I saw each of them can help me in a way or another. Oh no, I’m sleepy, my eyes are closing.... my imagination starts to blur, my brain work on. Shadows come over the night’s light.... I’m swallowing in thoughts and go asleep.

Jazz

2009-03-16T23:07:00.000-07:00

Aualeu!!! Imagine I’ve dreamed all night about the music I’m singing. From memories I like most listening and singing Jazz, it’s a great music, it gives wonderful ideals and my index seems small... I’d wish I could make trumpet together with percussion and piano... but, I don’t know, will I realize this wish or it will remain a wish. In my first years, I’ve learned lots of things about what does and means Jazz, it’s all about a voice and instrument improvisation that makes you all shiver. Jazz music it’s a whisper, an incantation made by those who suffer and wish to make other not see this. But I observed that in our country, at vocals, boys are not attracted, for them is more interesting to make an instrument instead of singing, but still, I do instrument but without singing it seems incomplete. The Jump Band, it’s a band that helped me gain some ambition in evolving through jazz sounds. As they said, I’m their biggest fan because I never missed a concert, I loved hearing the voice of their trio and it sounds beautiful.... I told them: “How could I miss from a concert of those who showed me the thrill of jazz.... Now I wait and hope to get to the top, where they got and sing with them, tomorrow, or next year, or I don’t know I still work on it to get better.

Elev la Teologie

2009-03-16T13:34:00.000-07:00

Hey! Uite ca mi-a trecut in seara asta prin minte, ce inseamna sa fi elev la un liceu de teologie?... e o intrebare, interesanta din punctul meu de vedere. Am sa incep cu mine... sunt elev la Teologie Greco- Catolica in clasa a 11-a, in acesti 3 ani am auzit multe despre parerea tinerilor fata de cei ce fac liceul de teologie.
Printre primele reactii, aparute cand eu eram boboc de clasa a 9-a, a fost "naspa, vrei sa te faci popa!", "Satanist la teologie, ce fraier", mi se pare ca multi nu inteleg ce inseamna sa fi elev la teologie. Ca sa incep cu un ajutor, am sa spun ca, a fi elev la un astfel de liceu, inseamna a te dedica unei vieti sociale, care studiaza omul si din punct de vedere psihologic si din punct de vedere religios(teologic). Multi merg la teologie, pentru ca se asteapta ca nivelul de violenta sa fie mai scazut.... au dreptate este, dar asta nu inseamna ca aproape deloc, nu, este dimpotriva destul de mult ca sa fie vizibil, pentru ca pe langa cei ce se refugiaza in cunostinta prin teologie, vin si cei care traiesc prin violenta si "limbajul pumnului" ca sa fiu mai explicit.
Si nu e nimic anormal, cum cred unii, sa fi rocker la teologie, muzica cu cantarile teologice sunt si diferite chiar daca au ceva in comun insa asta nu le face sa se respinga, rockul este si anticrist, dar este si procrist... Deci eu deduc ca nu e nimic ciudat in a fi elev la Teologie, pentru ca de aici poti alege orice ramura pe plan uman, de la medic la drept, si plan real de la informatician la programator... Asa!... eu m-am lamurit pe mine prin asta... sper ca si pe voi.

Analiza personala....

2009-03-16T05:38:00.000-07:00

Au trecut in sfarsit 18 ani si cred ca a venit timpul sa-mi revad putin viata, personalitatea si caracterul... in incercarea de a-l corecta cu sau fara ajutorul prietenilor.
Interesant, 18 ani de viata mi-au aratat cum sunt tinerii, cum se comporta, cum activeaza din punct de vedere social si cum reactioneaza la nevoia de cunoastere... Eu, as putea spune ca nu ma cunosc suficient, ce sunt?... ce vreau?... pe cine vreau?... De mic am invatat insa un lucru de la Dumnzeu " Iubeste-ti aproapele ca pe tine insuti". Aici ma incadrez cu ardoare.. si totusi inca nu stiu ce vreau, sunt bun pentru unii rau pentru altii. Un lucru sunt sigur ca stiu, nu sunt asa cum vrea nimeni, sunt alungat, sunt ascuns, acoperit de cei din jur, sunt cum am mai spus o umbra pentru aproapele.
Stau si ma gandesc acum, caci am crezut ca nu voi mai iubii aceleas persoane niciodata si uite, ca am descoperit in continuare ca gelozia mea a devenit foarte puternica si din ce in ce mai greu de stapanit... Mintea mea se pierde, atunci cand sunt obosit in propria-mi imaginatie, care face acelas lucru de cand sunt mic, incearca sa ma faca violent, incearca sa ma faca sa fiu ca cei din jur. Acum stiu un lucru, sunt un tanar care desi romantic din multe puncte de vedere devin uneori prea orgolios, contrazic si contracarez, acestea find niste defecte pe care inca nu am reusit singur sa le stapanesc. Egoist, nu prea am fost pentru ca am invatat sa iert si sa ofer mai mult decat sa ma astept sa privesc inapoi. Un alt mare defect al meu este curiozitatea, ea ma face sa contrazic si sa contracarez... Totusi, nu inteleg ce exprima oameni prin prost, nebun, fraier, idiot, nimic, ciudat am ajuns sa observ ca sunt exprimate in mod banal incat nu mai stiu ce sa cred ca se spune despre mine.
Am ajuns sa-mi fie teama sa arat ca iubesc, sa imi ascund talentele... de aceea nu am participat la multe concursuri din aceasta teama. Acuma la 18 ani desi fac multe se pare ca toti cei ce ma inconjoara ma intreaba de ce nu am prietena! Cum sa am prietena cand nimeni nu vrea sa ma cunoasca si sa vada de ce sunt in stare, am inteles acum ca eu sunt doar un medicament pentru cei din jur, sunt pastila de ras a multora care duc o viata de bautura si fumat si femei din plin.. Indignat par de starea asta, dar incep sa ma obisnuiesc ca, de mic mi-am oferit norocul meu altora si i-am impins din spate sa ajunga acolo unde eu as fi putut daca as fi avut sprijin la fel cum eu sprijin pe altii... Sunt confuz de mine, sunt constient doar ca sunt inconjurat de prieteni, de fete si nu pot sa spui nici uneia ca o iubesc, pot doar in ochi sa o privesc si sa-i surad, ca sa o vad razand...